


so lets love fully, and lets love loud.

by oblivoid



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 03:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18357323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oblivoid/pseuds/oblivoid
Summary: alec brings magnus to the institute and shows him everything, everything he is.title from "we might be dead by tomorrow" by soko!





	so lets love fully, and lets love loud.

Magnus lifted his hand to ask for another drink, and an ache shuddered through his body as he realised no blue sparks would ever fly from his fingertips again.

Oh well, he thought. Nothing a few drinks--or ten, won’t solve.

As the bartender slammed down all ten shots at the same time, he grinned a grin he could not feel and dipped a ringed finger into his drink, and it felt as if he could see nothing, nothing at all. It was like the world had a filter turned on, and everything was in black and white, shades of gray.

All except for the colour of his magic. Every time he turned, every drink he took, he saw the blue flecks in the gray drinks, the flickering neon blue lights that hung on the frame of the bar he was in, the belt on the bartender’s dress.

Drink after drink after drink, and as Magnus began to feel something again, see the reds of the dance floor and the blonde of the bartender’s hair, and before he could grab the next, the last drink, a hand encased his own and he stiffened.

Alexander’s dark mussed hair appeared around the corner and his blue eyes stood out starkly and Magnus couldn’t help but smile, smile once more a smile he could not, for the life of him, feel. He could not feel anything. Some days, a tinge of desperation would coat his heart, but most of the time he could barely feel his own heart beating, feel the electricity that crackled in the air that he used to feel when he had cobalt sparks fizzle from his fingertips.

“Magnus? What are you doing here?” Alexander asked, his eyes, the sea green and umber brown worried and concerned for him.

Magnus pushed himself off the stool and stood surprisingly steadily, and he placed a hand on Alexander’s shoulder. “I was just going home.”

“And where’s that? I can bring you home,” Alexander said, and drew back when Magnus involuntarily flinched.

Magnus said softly, so, so terrified his voice would break and all facades of his aloofness would shatter apart, “It’s close. I can walk home on my own.”

“Wait,” Alexander grabbed at his wrist before Magnus could turn and walk out. Magnus looked back at his hand, his fingernails painted a colour he could not feel and his hand shaking, shaking, shaking. Alexander swallowed, “I have something to show you.”

And Magnus watched as Alexander’s eyes shone a fiery hazel, as if they were heated to the point they glowed. And Magnus followed.

Alexander brought Magnus to the Institute, and Magnus couldn’t help but shrink away from the doors of the Institute. Yet Alexander gave him a soft smile, and entertwined his fingers around Magnus’, as if it would make him feel better.

And it did, Magnus thought. It did. Alexander led him up the winding steps into his room, and up to the balcony. Magnus smiled as the cool wind drew Alexander’s dark hair backwards, leaving the sharp panes of his face exposed.

Alexander lifted a slender, long, finger and pointed at something in the distance. When Magnus followed his gaze, it seemed to be a bench in the park.

Alexander spoke, his voice soft and warm, “Remember our first date? I totally bested you at pool,” Magnus let out a laugh. He was arrogant, but Magnus definitely beat him. “And then we walked out, and we sat on that bench and you made the bench green and the leaves blue and you told me that was how your warlock friends looked like, and I couldn’t stop laughing because everyone who walked by looked bewildered and it was only later I realised that you’d made the flowers into cats and they were all around us.

“And then you dragged me into that diner that other day, claiming how good the food was, before the cooked snails and insects were served. And I don’t remember what joke I made, but you laughed until tears were streaming down your face and I just couldn’t stop staring at how beautiful you were,” Alexander whispered, his finger shifting in direction as he spoke rapidly.

Magnus let out a hoarse laugh. “ I remember.”

“And then that time we were behind in that alley in the town which sold beautiful objects and I got you a omamori and you told me you kept it on your body ever since. behind that alley, where the lights were purple and pink and made you glow, glow even more than you already did and I kissed you and you kissed me back and we held each other there with the bells chiming in the background and I couldn’t breathe because I had you in my arms again and you were--are, my world, Magnus.” At this point, Alexander turned to look at Magnus.

A single tear rolled down Alexander’s cheek, and it was so bright, yet he wiped away Magnus’ own tears with his thumb. His heart suddenly stuttered again, and Magnus could feel something in his soul that reached for Alexander, and then he registered he actually felt again, that his emotions weren’t flattened and dulled and now that he could feel his emotions crashing into him like waves again.

He whispered, his voice breaking in between, “But I’m not the High Warlock of Brooklyn you fell in love with. I’m human now, Alexander. I can’t create Portals or get a drink with a flick of my fingers. I’m not alive without my magic, Alexander. I may be breathing, but I can’t feel it. Without magic, I am nothing. Nothing.”

“Of course you’re something, Magnus. You’re Magnus Bane! You’re wise, you’re generous and you’re so, so, brave. You’ve sacrificed so much for us--how could you say you’re not...not worth anything. You’re worth everything, Magnus. You’ve saved our asses so many times, and now you’ve sacrificed your magic to save Jace. I love you, Magnus. More than anyone or anything in this world and I’m losing my mind knowing that you think you are not worth anything, but you deserve the moon and the stars and the sun and everything in this world that is good, Magnus. Because you are good,” Alexander put a hand to his cheek, and Magnus leaned into his warm grasp.

“I love you, Magnus.”

“I love you too, Alexander.”

And this time, Magnus believed it.


End file.
